Ben canceled our plane tickets yesterday morning. 

We have not lost Aida yet but there is a lot of uncertainty right now surrounding her adoption.  We might share some of the details later but for now we simply ask for your prayers.  It has been a difficult week of waiting in uncertainty for us and while this is not what we hoped for, our Lord has been gracious and offered us an unexpected peace.  We know as much as we love Aida, He loves her even more and has the very best plan for her in mind.

Here are some specific ways you can join us in praying:

-You can pray for wisdom/clarity/answers for government officials in her country.  Please pray for all truth to come to light.

-You can pray for continued peace for us as we wait for those answers… our hearts are aching. 

-You can pray for Aida… pray for her as she continues to live and wait in the transition home.  Pray that if we do not end up getting to be her forever family that God still has a plan for family for her.

Thankful List for February:
*our homestudy update was painless and brief… and we had a super clean house as a result of it
*the Kinsley’s brought Haven home from Ethiopia on Valentine’s day!!!
*we FINALLY got our court date… even if its not nearly as soon as we wanted it… we have a court date 
*family and friends willing to make sacrifices to watch Tucker and Libby when we go
*Kelli’s perfectly timed encouraging card
*flights to go meet our Aida are booked!!!

And a few random things that have nothing to do with adoption:
*walks (talks) with Krista
*a broken hot water heater reminds me of how grateful I am that I have hot water, a generous perfectly timed check in the mail, friends who gave up their time to help fix it
*lunches with Meegan
*friends who planned a date night out for us and for their generosity   
*Ben’s willingness to make sacrifices to take care of me when I’m sick
*prayer walking as a family around the  neighborhood and the sighting of the neighborhood rooster
*my sister sharing a song with me... she would never guess how many times I've played it since she sent it
* "Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different.  Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be.  You will get through today one step, one moment at a time" - Jesus Calling
*a new tradition of Valentine’s love note bags
*the rare moments Tucker and Libby act happy to have their pictures taken

*stranger in Target to Libby: “what is your name?” Libby: “Princess”
*the incredible segment about MercyShips on 60 minutes (you can watch it here)
*"The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace."  Psalm 29:11
*playdate with the Lindsey’s
*Tuck’s desire to pray for his preschool classmates
*'Time memorizing scriptures is perhaps more important than "quiet time"- because when we fill our hearts with His word, we can fill all our hours with His Word- and "quiet time" can then become all of our time'.  Ann Voskamp
*Shaina Weisgerber and the beautiful testimony of honesty and hope that she has been through her family's journey of struggle and loss (you can find their journey here)
*Libby’s choice of the same red and white dress for "Choose Your Own Clothes Thursday"… three weeks in a row.
*Tuck’s question: “Mom, can I spend time in the Word again?"
*the book ”Treasuring God in Our Traditions” and all that I gleaned from it… excited to implement some of Noel Piper’s ideas for Easter this year with our kids 
*the sweet children's book from my mom on adoption.  My favorite line:  "I trusted that God knew you, and knew me, and knew when we'd fit perfectly together."  
*a new journey for Lena
*Saturday morning puzzle mania 
*Two little monkeys jumping on the bed

I’ve used up my fair share of grace over this winter.
I’ve wrapped it around me like a warm blanket, thanking God for its abundance, asking for forgiveness for how much I need it, praising Him for giving it so freely, knowing I will need it again tomorrow.

The last five weeks haven’t gone like we wanted them to … how I wanted them to.  A steady stream of disheartening news and estimated travel dates passed by, and I’ve been left broken and confused … trying to act normal.  Like a part of my heart isn’t living in Africa, growing up in front of me through pictures and updates, going to bed every night without a Mommy and Daddy.  And there is also the ever increasing awareness that this seemingly impossible wait is going to be nothing compared to the wait after we meet her and leave her there and wait to be able to return to get her.  The days have gone by slowly like a clock ticking away moments lost with her and after weeks of overwhelming sadness; I found myself numb.

And then the court date we had been waiting for came.

But I didn’t react the way I was suppose to:  I didn’t jump and squeal, I didn’t post it on Facebook, I didn’t want to write a blog, I didn’t call or text all my friends.  In fact, I talked to as few people as possible.

Because I felt stuck feeling an emotion I wasn’t supposed to feel.  Not the emotion people would want to see or hear from me.  And the emotion hit me with such overwhelming force (a storm that had been brewing for weeks … or maybe it was more than two years in the making) that I didn’t know what to do with it; I couldn’t even identify it at first.

I stomped my feet and pounded my fist on the bathroom counter.  I lay on my bed sobbing and begging God to give us a just a few weeks earlier, a few days earlier.  Anything sooner. 
Not April 1. 

We had lost another month.

I felt cheated.
I realized IT was anger.  I was furious. 

What happened to the end of January, then to February — and why oh why did March get skipped over completely? And the questions keep pouring out of me.

Between my tears and bursts of anger, I’ve spent the last few days pleading for gratitude and for peace and a changed perspective.  I wish I could say it was fast in coming; it’s not.  But I press on reciting the Truths I know, rehearsing my thankfulness even when I don’t feel like it, expressing my feelings to a Savior that restores me through His understanding, feeling the warm blanket of His grace … knowing that healing and growth take time.  The roots are there already.  But they need both the sunshine and the rain to grow up out of the dirt.

Beautiful things sprout up in the spring. 

And that’s when we’ll meet Aida.